Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Grief and Forgiveness

In the midst of your grief, you may be wounded by someone's insensitive remark or by something they either do, or don't do, that disappoints you. What bereaved people have taught me is that you have a couple of options to consider in this type of scenario.

  • Educate the person
  • Ignore the words or behavior
  • Confront the person
  • Disconnect from the relationship
  • Forgive the person

You may feel that the burden should not be on you to educate this person, but if you look deeper, you may realize that it was not their intention to hurt or insult you. If they have not experienced a personal loss, they may not be able to empathize with you, or to anticipate your needs. This may be a communication issue. You could ignore the words or behavior, but that may build resentment, and increase the odds that they will repeat the words or actions with you or someone else. You might confront the person, but risk either person losing his or her temper, causing the problem to escalate, or jeopardizing health and safety. You might end up in a total breakdown of communication, or a decision to end the relationship. There is always a trade off or a shadow side with this option. You can empower yourself to choose forgiveness. This is often described as a "win-win" solution, in that you maintain the relationship and treat yourself and the other person with respect and compassion. This does not mean that you condone what the person said, did, or did not do. It does mean that at the end of the day, you can be at peace with your decision to make your world and our world a kinder, gentler place.

5 Comments:

Blogger haroldyp04canelson said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 12, 2005 at 6:17 PM  
Blogger carlo23barbara said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 24, 2005 at 2:40 AM  
Blogger dwainclinton5948 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

January 10, 2006 at 10:19 PM  
Blogger howardharolds47564951 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

February 2, 2006 at 4:57 AM  
Blogger arnoldtheo36097355 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

May 12, 2006 at 5:43 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home